The Rarely Talked About Downsides To Ski Season
When you live in a ski town, opening day for the winter season is unquestionably the most important day in town all year long. Not only is it hugely important for the economic well-being of the entire town (typically a good thing), but the mood of the entire town gets elevated as well. It’s great to be back riding on the snow again, and as near as I can tell there are countless other skiers & snowboarders around here who feel similar. Saying that, there are a few things about the winter season that I’m not looking forward to:
- Overheard inane conversations on chairlifts. Going drinking & driving in Israel with Mel Gibson would be more enjoyable than some of the conversations that you’re forced to endure during the winter. These conversations usually feature reoccurring characters such as Grumpy Old Dude, Captain Asshat and his sidekick Sir Useless Fuck, Junior Jackass and his friend The Teen Dumb-venger, and others.
- Telemark Skier attitude. Ok, we get it already. You think you’re better than everyone else because you have intentionally chosen a less functional variation of skiing. If you want to do something that will make each turn much harder and will offer less control, you can either buy expensive telemark equipment or you can find some old skis with dull edges and use them while keeping your boots undone. Different sports? Yes. Same general idea? Also yes.
- Stupid hats. No where else in modern society is wearing a hat so stupid looking that everyone you come across thinks less of you as a human considered a good idea, so why does it seem like a good idea when you’re skiing? A few years ago, a friend & I came up with a theory that you can either be a good skier/snowboarder OR you can wear a stupid hat, but you can’t be both. After years of extensive testing, I am ready to report that our initial hypothesis has been proven 100% correct.
I’m sure there are a few other things that I’m forgetting from this list, but I’m sure I’ll come across them soon enough.
- Overheard inane conversations on chairlifts. Going drinking & driving in Israel with Mel Gibson would be more enjoyable than some of the conversations that you’re forced to endure during the winter. These conversations usually feature reoccurring characters such as Grumpy Old Dude, Captain Asshat and his sidekick Sir Useless Fuck, Junior Jackass and his friend The Teen Dumb-venger, and others.
- Telemark Skier attitude. Ok, we get it already. You think you’re better than everyone else because you have intentionally chosen a less functional variation of skiing. If you want to do something that will make each turn much harder and will offer less control, you can either buy expensive telemark equipment or you can find some old skis with dull edges and use them while keeping your boots undone. Different sports? Yes. Same general idea? Also yes.
- Stupid hats. No where else in modern society is wearing a hat so stupid looking that everyone you come across thinks less of you as a human considered a good idea, so why does it seem like a good idea when you’re skiing? A few years ago, a friend & I came up with a theory that you can either be a good skier/snowboarder OR you can wear a stupid hat, but you can’t be both. After years of extensive testing, I am ready to report that our initial hypothesis has been proven 100% correct.
'Does this hat make me look like a fucktard?'
I’m sure there are a few other things that I’m forgetting from this list, but I’m sure I’ll come across them soon enough.
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